Binge

I really should be studying for my RSED test, but I can't concentrate. Today has been the absolute WORST day I've had in a while. I should start at the beginning of this story so that you won't get confused.

When I came to Auburn I was a declared Secondary English Education major. Halfway through the semester I decided that I would rather be a kindergarten teacher and when I told my advisor this, she told me not to go to the rest of my classes and to not worry about taking my finals. Yeah...that's what I did and my GPA was a 0.00. I have struggled to bring up my GPA for over a year, and it's happening, but not nearly fast enough. I was guaranteed a spot in the Early Childhood Education program for Spring of 2010, which meant that I would graduate in December of 2010. This morning I get an email from my advisor telling me that in order to get in the program, I would have to sit out a semester. Sitting out a semester not only throws me into paying Sallie Mae, it also means I won't graduate until May 2011. Six years to get a four year degree. My cousin, who is four days older than me will have a Bachelor's and a Master's before I graduate.

So I ate country fried steak with mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, some donut holes, a caramel and chocolate drizzeled donut, and a chocolate donut with chocolate filling. And some sweet tea. Let's block out the frustration and the stress and the pain with food. In high school I refused to eat when I was feeling this way, and now I binge. I feel sick and guilty, which only adds on more stress. It's like Fat Bastard on Austin Powers: "I eat because I'm upset, and I'm upset because I eat." It's a vicious cycle. I'm just tired of running out of breath from simply walking to the kitchen for a bottle of water and back to the couch. It's 25 feet, max, and it leaves me breathless.

How do I change what I am? How can I stop my stress eating? How can I put my life together? It just seems like it would be so much easier to just do what I want and eat what I want.


Today's weight: 265.0