Curvacious

I can't sleep, which is becoming quite a regular thing in my life. I suppose it's because of the fact that I have too much going on in my brain. Tonight I can't seem to get my weight off of my mind. Since I have moved to Auburn, on January 1, 2008, I have gained roughly 90 pounds. This morning I weighed myself and the scales read 268.6. I am mortified that I just displayed that number on the internet for God and everyone to see, but maybe mortification is what I need right now. I had a conversation with Daddy about my weight and it wasn't pretty. He's never been the most gentle man when it comes to honesty. He made me realize that I'm slowly killing myself and putting myself at risk for diabetes and perhaps even another seizure. Because of this, I'm starting a diet blog. It's probably going to be terribly boring, but I don't have a diary so this is all I have. I think diaries are a little corny.

I just finished reading a book titled "Real Women Don't Wear Size 2". It's about a woman who wears a double digit and feels as if she has always been compared to her younger sister, who wears a size two. Throughout the whole book she was called curvacious and pleasantly plump, and frankly, that just pissed me off. They're just pretty words for fat. Yes, I said the "F" word. FAT. Eventually she learned that she was sexy and beautiful and just hot to trot. That's not real life. Can I think of myself as sexy and beautiful? Sometimes. Make up works miracles and I have great boobs. I just feel like I lack that extra "OMG, I hate her" factor. My goal is to look like one of those girls that other people hate. August 2010--string bikini, here I come! I hope.

This blog will be a record of my journey. I'll post my new weight every two weeks, and the ups and downs of the trip. I'm betting on more downs than ups. One up about this week is that my mother left half of a red velvet cake at my apartment and I haven't touched it...I actually hear it calling my name right now. It's a wonderful feeling to hear that cake and be able to ignore it. Will I throw it away? Eventually. I just need the little boost in confidence that it gives me right now to be able to turn it down...even though I'd love a sugar rush. Sigh.

This is all turning out to be completely randomized and WAY out of order. Anyways, here are the rules:
1. No fried or fast food at all. I already shed my tear for Hardees' bacon cheddar ranch fries.
2. Nothing but water to drink (yuck). Milo's...
3. No dessert. I feel like I'm betraying Ben and Jerry. Sorry guys.
4. One small treat on Sunday if, and only if, I make it Monday through Saturday with NO slip ups.
5. Walk at least 3 miles per day. I wish you could've hear the whine that just escaped my lips.
6. Only weigh every two weeks. That's so I don't get discouraged when I see I've only lost 2 pounds in one week.

That's it for tonight. I'll chat you up in two weeks!